A combination of bad timing, bad luck, poor judgement, and serious illness, I guess. I'm not going to tell you the whole long sad story and make you get out the violins for me, but I need to examine at least my current circumstances. Almost by accident, I ended up in a tiny town about forty-five minutes north of Tucson--worlds away, culturally. There is almost nowhere to work here, and nothing to do though it's pretty here. The school system is the only halfway decent employer, and I WORK for the school system, but not nearly as often as I would like to.
I had my own after-school and summer-school classes for a while, but budgets cuts knocked out my classes, and there went my dependable, albeit low, income. Now I substitute-teach, but there are so many unemployed teachers wandering around aimlessly these days that no one of us gets called in very often. There was a time when I could count on two to three days a week of teaching--now it's more like one day every two weeks.
I have a writing and editing business, and at times, I am gainfully employed. But, like most self-employment, there can be long dry spells in between jobs, and I can't figure out how to increase my business. I have a good website, I put up signs locally, I speak many words of mouth to everyone about it, but I guess that people in the Tucson area don't write very much. Or something. Editing for publication is a luxury many people cannot afford, and may not realize that they *need.* Many writers are in love with the sound of their own chosen language, and far be it from me to impose my standards upon their's. Do visit my website, though, if you are interested: www.tucsonediting.com .
I also advertise on Craigslist, all the time. This has led to me landing some *very* unusual and diverse jobs, but just not enough of them to pay the bills. Most writers who approach me through Craigslist end up using my services, because I'm GOOD; I just wish that there were more of them!
I am kind of stuck here. No, I am REALLY stuck here. I don't have the money to relocate, even if I had the reason. I can't travel for job interviews. I'm sufficiently disabled that I can't really hold a full-time job. And so, I limp along, every month wondering how on earth the rent and the utilities and the car insurance will get paid.
And SOMEHOW THEY ALWAYS DO! That is the "up" side to this post. Somehow, through some kind of grace, the money always appears just at the last minute. Never before, and never more than I really need. It's baffling to me, but I've believed in this kind of inevitability for so long now, and had it work so well, that it's become a law in my universe. I usually don't sweat the money thing for more than a few minutes at a time, because I know that THE BILLS WILL BE PAID, somehow, just in the nick of time. (What is a "nick" of time, anyway? A nickel?)
You get what you believe in. My challenge, and it's a tough one, is to start believing in, and manifesting, more money sooner. It's that simple, and that hard. MORE than what I need just at the last minute. MORE than just enough to pay the bills. Enough to live comfortably again--not in my old style, which was fairly lavish, especially in the foods and wines and clothing and travel departments--but in a style that makes it possible for me to no longer have to worry about it all every day.
That's my challenge, and a little of my story. Are you ready to take this journey with me? Are you ready to change your OWN limiting beliefs about what is possible for you, and explore the world of abundance with me? Think on it--it's a big step, and one that I myself haven't quite found the courage to take yet...
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